apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize