highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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