Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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