i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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