I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
