it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
