it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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