That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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