Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
