man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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