there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
