I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
