You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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