She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
