Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
