pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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