I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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