i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
