my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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