a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
