I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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