I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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