I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
