i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
