Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
