he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
