Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
