Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
