they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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