is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
