you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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