I want to have your abortion
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
