i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
