i may or may not be watching the land before time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so much tequila, so little girl.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
