guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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