So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
