I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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