if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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