party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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