my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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