You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
