Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
