Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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