Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
