She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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