come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
