wanna go halves on a baby?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
