I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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