I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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