I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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