I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize