so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i came on her dog
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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