my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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