If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
