I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
