Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
