You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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