bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
