If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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