So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
