Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well you can't waste a boner
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
