You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
