i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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