Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
smell my finger.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
