No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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