i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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