That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
