i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
