So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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