Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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