were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
